fifty-two days later.

the last couple of days i've been making lists: things i'll miss, things i won't miss, and things i cant wait for at home.

i have such mixed feelings right now. i'm finally back in singapore, the place where it all began, and the place where it all will end. part of me feels like i just left yesterday, but the extra twenty pounds on my bookbag says that it has been a bit longer than that.

and i'm wasn't quite ready to be home, but i never will be.

can't you all just fly out here for a bit and let me go along my peaceful ways again?

i'm lying. that won't actually do. i'd need to take some of you with me for the rest of the trip. and then when would i actually be home? where would home be? for some people, home is the ability to breathe and exist, the need to thrive on the challenge and lack of security of a new place. though that has been home for me these last two months, and though i'm more than comfortable with this ideal, it's not what i want right now.

right now i want my favorites, friends and family, and the places that feel familiar. i want the freedom of deafening myself with the music in my car; i want lucy to be annoying as shit at 7am, but cute around 12 when i wake up; i want to run the .75 mile loop that i have a love/hate relationship with in new cumberland four times, even though i'll try to tell myself that it's okay to knock it down to three; i want to call lauren and jeff and get pissed when they're working and can't get ice cream with me; i want to hear allison say "can't you just sit down and watch tv for one night?"; i want my horse to give me the look of death when i show up with a saddle; and i want to eat chocolate that has an abnormal amount of sugar in it to satisfy americans' cravings.

i want to look for apartments in virginia, and i want my damn acceptance letter.

(i just hope it comes in the form of an acceptance letter)

..

but despite all of these familiar things, i can't forget what i've just experienced. now is the time for me to reflect. i've already been asked, what was your favorite part of the trip?

i can't answer that.

in my opinion, it's impossible to answer. there is just no way to compare the beaches of ko tao to the horrors of the vietnam museum to the majesty of ta prohm, to the sunrises over the indonesian mountains.

it's like comparing apples and oranges. you just can't do it.
so i've compiled a few other points.

things i can answer:
favorite country: cambodia wins as my favorite country. the people here were phenominal. despite the sun beating down on me like a fried egg and my sweat glands getting more of a workout that i do in hockey season, everyone always had a smile on their faces. the citizens were extremely open about the horrible past of their country, and were never ashamed to say that they were cambodian, or that they lived through the atroscity. i, myself, was ashamed to say that i was american while in the war museum in vietnam after seeing everything that my country was responsible for even though i didn't live through that time and had nothing to do with the war. the resilience of the people of cambodia was overwhelmingly inspiring and heartwarming enough to make a person cry tears of hope. just how does a person deal with the results of genocide? how do you get through watching friends and family suffer and die, being separated, and living a mundane life with no promise of ever regaining purpose to breathe? it was awe-inspiring.

least favorite country: thailand for the people, vietnam for the interest. i am saddened at our stay in vietnam, as i know that hanoi and hoi an would have been much better places to spend our time, but would never take back our aussi friends that we met there.

best investment: diving, of course! you can't beat getting certified for less than three hundred dollars when in many places, that's what you might pay to dsd. seeing life underwater the way we did was like watching the sunset change colors after a storm. i could have sat in one spot under water all day and watched the life pass me by. i can't wait to dive again.

first place to revisit: the library on jocean's farm. the library was the most peaceful place on the trip. at any time i could climb the rickety ladder (on which i thought i might lose my life sometimes) and just sit. sometimes the call to prayer would ring in the distance, echoing through the open air, proving just how grandeur that spot on the mountain was.

ta prohm was equally amazing, but i'd only go again at 5am before the crowds. there was something about the ambiance of that place, the genuine feeling of living history that i couldn't get enough of. it was a sense of adventure, yes, but the nobility and character that came with the ruins of the buildings mixed with the walls that may stand forever, which were still overtaken by trees younger than the temples themselves. such a complex thought that produced such a dignified aura.

place least recommended: all are worth going back to.

most valuable use of time: is it bad to say blogging? this has been my one way of keeping track of my thoughts and making sure i don't lose some of the best memories, as well as keeping everyone posted with the latest news. this way, everyone knows the same things that occurred, and i don't have to retell stories thirty five times. it's much easier to discuss something that people are familiar with first.

biggest regret: not getting to chaing rai / chaing mai. these were two places i really wanted to see in thailand before this trip was even in the making, but it just wasn't practical. i hate that we cut out so many cities (kuala lumpur, bangkok, and hanoi), but we already spent much more time in buses, boats, planes, and taxis than we wanted to getting from one place to another that it was just easier to stay in certain places longer than others and cut out cities. but chaing rai and chaing mai would have been worth it.

favorite food: thai. then indonesian. both were spicy but still had a lot of flavor to accompany the heat. yumm.

important lessons learned: buy a one way ticket. don't set any plans in stone (buying flights for during the trip until 2-3 days before). you will spend much more money than you intend.

favorite parts about traveling: random conversations with people i'll never meet again; trying new food, even if i hate it; motos; the challenge of navigating new countries independently; and screwing up that results in ridiculous situations.

things i will miss: dragonfruit. motos. hot weather. mangos. breakfast and coffee every morning. speaking indonesian. shakes. spicey food. kids that point and stare. parents that point and stare. kope. "ladeeeey, you want tuk-tuk?" the peaceful aura. sweetened condensed milk in abundance. waking up with no obligations. dinner with strangers. dancing with prostitutes. cheap massages. spring rolls. not working. bargaining. alex asking for salt. cheap silk. telling people i'm american. clear air. no-bars conversations with alex 24/7. the guess-the-accent-game. shooping as much as i want. the need to write. teaching people kings. cute asian kids. cambodian smiles. waking up at a decent hour (let's be honest. i won't do this at home). palm trees & coconuts. chopsticks. lady-boys. sundenese. picking my own food. diving. being tan. colorful money. taking my shoes off to go in stores. but most of all, my new girlfriend, alex.

things i won't miss (actually, things i dont want to admit that i'll miss): sweating. crazy drivers. ants. sad museums. "ladeeeey, you want tuk-tuk?" chang & tiger beer. the city smell. crossing boarders. filling out immigration papers. mosquitos. mosquito bites. cats. feeling like a walking atm. asian music. any language that is not english. horns. dirty flipflops. squat toilets & carrying toilet paper "just in case". cold showers. uncomfortable beds. the lost concept of a "line/que." shitty internet. paying for shitty internet. having my slr attached to my hip. adjusting times. flights. spending too much money.

things i can't wait for: favs & fam, obvi. zuki. real chocolate. music. alice in wonderland. beer. good american beer. bad american beer. american beer. my own computer. dogs that respond to humans. wings. english as a first language. my horse.

and whatever life decides to throw my way next.

..

these last two days have been a time for me to reflect everything about what i've just done. what was the purpose? what did i gain from it? i didn't do this trip to find myself, i can do that at home... or to find out how i can save the world, because i'll never be able to do that... or to show everyone that i could just to do it, because hell, we all know by now that i'm a stubborn bitch and i do what i want when i want, and i didn't need to fly halfway across the world to prove that.

i did it for my own self-gain.

so was it selfish? maybe. it wasn't necessary. i didn't need to do this, i just wanted it, and i've wanted it for so long. i love independence, i love to go with no direction. but i've learned so much more than i could in any classroom, i've grown to appreciate more aspects of life than i could begin to list, and i have been humbled. there is nothing more inspiring than everything you've never seen or never known.

you do it to meet people. to see places. to experience and to journey. it's about moving, about learning and loving where you are and where you have been. the expected and the unexpected. about having plans, but no real plans, and not needing to be anywhere. it's about wandering, with and without maps, losing yourself even when you know where you are, and forgetting what time of day it is when the sun is setting behind the horizon. it's hard to live in the moment when things can be so monotonous at home, but being able to appreciate the present... instead of counting down hours to something in the future or remembering something fun from the past... is so difficult to do, but an amazing feeling to really understand the present and not want it to slip by, but it does every second of the day.

..

so this is it. the last post. it seemed like it would never come in the beginning, that 52 days away was just going to be a surreal time lapse. but here it is.

thank you to anyone who has read this and followed us along the way. as much as a pain in the ass this blog was for the two of us, and no matter how much we complained when we weren't at the computers, alex and i really enjoyed writing them. and we loved knowing that at least a few people were keeping up with us. the support from home has been extremely necessary and appreciated.

im not even sure what to say anymore. all i know that is that i am so overwhelmed at this point and i can't even separate everything i feel about what we've done and where we've been.

all i know is that i loved it.

but i am a believr in the idea that you can't fully appreciate where you've been until you leave.

and, for now, i'm ready to come home.

..







Y rae. racho. d.

stares & power tools.

another day on the farm. what trouble can we find?

we woke up and went on a search for alex. today was market day-- but not market day like all of the other markets we've been to where i want to rip out my hair by the time we're done. today was traditional market day. traditional market not-in-tourist-jakarta-day. we weren't going to be getting ripped off today because we'd be with the locals. in fact, we wouldn't even have a damn clue what the sellers would be trying to say to us. we found alex and waited around til he got the bike ready.

now work with me here. you have to understand our location. we are in a remote area of a mountain. this means no road. our road is grass. with rocks. grass with rocks up a huge hill. cross out hill, grass with rocks up a huge mountain. this means rollercoaster ride down.




alek took us to where there were two bikes waiting. we looked at him, he looked back at us. "how you want to go?" though alex and i have ridden three people to a bike before, this drive wasn't looking very promising for all of us in one. someone would have been sure to come off.

"you drive?" he asked us. alex replied, "i don't, rachel does sometimes." my eyes widened for about two seconds, then i thought logically for one of the first times in two months.

"is it five speed?"

he had no idea what the hell i was asking him. "uh, how do you sayyy... automatic?" that sparked a clue.

"oh. no. not automatic."

driving was officially not an option.

combro popped out of some random bush or nowhere, the way he always does, and patted the back of his bike. "come, alex!"

ahh, combro gila.

it was settled. i hopped on the back of alek's bike and alex rode with combro.

ayo!

..

we headed down into town, to the market. we hadn't gotten more than a quarter mile away from jocean's driveway before we were getting stares. i heard the same word, "bule! bule!" over and over, accompanied by pointing, laughter, excitement and smiles. this isn't so bad, i thought to myself. alek, while driving, said to me, "we are, how do you say, not in tourist town."

ok. yeah.

"soo what are you saying?"

"they are talking about you."

oh.

as it turns out, "bule" means tourist in indonesian, and tourist translates to "white person." they were pointing at alex and i on the bikes, and i would watch their heads do a complete turn from right to left as alek and i passed by. jaws dropped, eyes widened, and you can only imagine the look when they saw combro and alex on the next bike.

holy shit, there's two!!




alek pointed out the surprise in not only seeing two white girls, but seeing us riding on motorbikes, and being with two indonesian men was appearently quite a site.

..

alex and i weren't quite ready for what we would experience at the market. we pulled in on the bikes, the boys shut them off, and we stood up. looking around, it resembled what i thought it would: a place to get things you need, not useless-but-kinda-cool shit you don't like the other markets we've been to. alek asked us what we were particularly looking for today, and though alex was semi-answering him, i did a 360 circle where i was standing.

there were no questions asked. every person within my sight stopped and stared.

i know this because i made eye contact with almost all of them.

workers stopped stocking, shoppers stood with their bags, salesmen halted their transactions and pointed us out to their customers. i've never felt so uncomfortable in my life.

we knew that we'd get looks, but i definitely didn't expect this. i should have known better-- we're more than two hours away from tourist central, and it's no surprise that these people don't see westerners that often, let alone two young girls.

alek led us around the market as we looked for eggs, onions, bread, honey, and a few other odds and ends. every time we stopped at a stand, we'd hear slight conversations and get more stares.

it came to the point where the two of us were pretty much staring at the floor or trying to imagine that we weren't the center of attention. at the egg stand, the guy took his time and kept questioning alek. we could see he was getting a bit frustrated, as he said to us "all i want to do is pay and go."

next was the egg stand. younger guys were working this one, though it's always difficult to tell age over here, they had to be anywhere from 15-25 years old. immediately, they asked something that made alek laugh, and we can only imagine what it was. through their jumble of words, we heard american, and asked alek what they were saying.

"he says you girls beautiful. why are you not in other place," referring to the mud and unsanitary conditions amongst the market. how sweet.

he wanted to ask us some questions, and alek to translate, but alek wouldn't tell us what he was asking.

alex brought up a good point.

"they're probably for our hand in marriage."

to which, what do you reply?

"well. ask him how many cows he will give me."

..

on the way back, alek asked if i was still interested in local wine.

damn straight.

we stopped off at probably the sketchiest roadside stand that i've seen yet.

we walked inside and the guy immediately greeted alek. they exchanged indonesian and alek told us the price. we handed him money and in return got a black plastic bag. inside was two smaller bags, something resembling the bags you get two-cent goldfish in when you win them at a fair.

inside those bags was our wine.

"wine is only black market here."

as would be later explained to us, indonesia has heavy taxes on wine due to its islamic population. therefore, it is illiegal to make your own, but a fair amount of people still do, they just pay bribe fees to the law enforcement. we took our sketchy-bagged rice wine back to jocean's and gave it a shot.

well worth it.

..

the rest of our day was pretty uneventful due to the rain. jocean came back up for the night, and we spent some time teaching him kings and drinking wine and beer. highlight of the night?

durian.

durian is a fruit very specific to southeast asia, but all throughout our travels, we have met very few westerners who will a. be brave enough to try it or b. actually like it if they do. it has just about the worst smell of sugar and moldy cheese possible, and looks as appealing as a porcupine fish.

but jocean, knowing we hadn't tried it yet, was kind enough to bring one for us to try. he cut a small piece off and handed it to me.

as much as i tried to get past the smell and enjoy the fruit for what it was, this was my expression:




so much for that.

..

the next day, alex and i woke up, ready to get back onto schedule. she went on, continuing with her compost hole for jocean, next to the house.




i, however, went back to the power tools.




i had about half of the cabinet to finish still. for the next two and a half hours, i spent my time practically sitting on the sander to get it to shave off enough wood so i could see the color i wanted below.

thankfully, the workers have off on fridays, so no one was really around to sit and watch me sand. i had brought my ipod out with me and finally got to listen to a few things i haven't heard since i left. it was relaxing and comforting, being able to do something i knew i could do again while kind of being in a bubble from home.




..

in the afternoon, some kids showed up for their first english lesson. around two pm, we headed into the soon-to-be bar area where jocean and alek had put together a makeshift classroom with doors for chalkboards. alex and i were greeted by about 8 or 9 faces, ranging in age from eight to twenty-four.

when we first walked in, jocean already had "my name is, i am __ old" on the board, and the kids went around introducing themselves.




indra, a boy, went first. all idiocity aside,s had i guessed, i would have said he was twelve years old. he was twenty.

i don't understand how they manage to look so young!

the overall lesson itself was wonderful. the kids were so eager to learn, ecstatic about english. some of them already had a decent background from school, and some of them were more willing to chim in than others. they all had notebooks in front of them, eagerly writing everything we wrote for them.




before long, our board was full, and uneraseable. but, of course, the most previlent sentence was also the most important.




everyone should know how to ask for a banana.

..

even combro and alek were walking around, helping out. well, alek helped more than combro, as combro doesn't really know much english at all. still, it was nice to see alek translating, and i loved concentrating on what he was saying and trying to piece it together.

though i wasn't always sure what they were telling the kids word for word, i could often understand the concepts of what they were trying to help the kids differentiate, such as when you use "too" or the difference between want and need.




the lesson itself probably lasted about an hour or so, and the kids were constantly talking to each other in broken english pieced together with indonesian.

this all reminded me of my time at oda, and what things would have been like had i actually done the tefl that i was looking into for so long. sometimes i still think i should have done it, but who knows. my patience level with large groups of children
for long periods of time has never really been award-winning, anyway.

we departed for the day, and hopefully we'll be seeing them again tomorrow before we head back into jakarta.

..






Y rae. racho. d.

this is the bittersweet part...

i just don't know if it's more bitter or more sweet. hard to say, hard to say...

..

monday morning, alex and i woke up ready to plant trees, as the plan had been established. we were quite excited, as trees were something we could come back and still see sometime in the future, with a "oh, we were the first guests on portibi, we planted these..." smile. plus we'd feel like we were accomplishing something. first, we made sure we did before and after photos.




we met up with alek and he took us further up the hill to the tree-planting team, a trio. first we met the guy who was hoing, digging holes, using the cangku. we followed alek over to him, and they exchanged words in indonesian. after a minute or so, their conversation started getting a little more intense, but nothing major. when they were done talking, we asked alek what was said.

"he doesn't believe me"

"about what?" we asked.

"he doesn't believe me that you girls want to plant trees. he is confused."

confused? ah, that must be why he's laughing. yeah, he's also laughing.

to be honest, i'm sure he was laughing at the fact that we were wearing pants to our knees and tank tops with nothing covering our heads. these men cover their entire bodies when working in the sun, including wearing towels around their heads, covering everything except their eyes.

he was hesitant at our request to help, but kept on digging holes for us.




we were told we wouldn't have to dig the holes, it would be taken care of. then we walked around to some holes that had already been dug, and one had a tree sitting in it, having yet to be planted. alek showed how they particularly plant, but it was nothing too difficult. alex and i stood up, and asked "so, we walk back down to the farm, bring the tree, and plant?"

"no," he replied. "they bring you the tree."

alex and i looked at each other.

"so we just put the tree in the hole and cover it with dirt?"

"yes," he told us.

we get demoted a little more every day.

of course we get the idiot proof job. no tools or sharp objects on which to kill ourselves or slice off appendages.

guess we'll just have to roll around in the dirt while we wait for trees to make it look like we did something.

..

eventually we sweet-talked them into letting us dig the holes too. by sweet talking them, what i mean is that we just said "i want to use the hoe" in indonesian, and they are so taken aback that they just kind of stop functioning while they try to process our request. they handed us cangkus.




alex and i then dug holes and planted probably ten trees. it was only about an hour and a half into working that we moved closer to a clearing where all of the guys were. alek called me over and handed me a piece of long, white, dense vegitation. i had no idea what it was. he had a piece in his hand and bit down, so i played simon says like i've been doing all week and bit down too.

oh my god, i thought, more crack.

"don't eat," he said, "just drink."

it was sugar cane. alex soon came over and he gave her some as well. we chewed on it and sucked every little bit of juice inside dry with wide eyes before they gave us more.




alex and i quietly gnawed away at the sugar cane like our lives depended on it, biting off pieces as if they would float away if we waited. we ripped them off with our teeth, chewing them, and spitting them back out in front of the workers about as lady-like as van dam.

alek and the other workers were all talking in indonesian. alex and i could pick up on a few words, such as inggris, gila, tanam, pohon, and american through a heavy accent.




we immediately knew they were saying we were crazy for wanting to plant trees.

"what else are they saying?" we asked alek.

we don't mind that they call us crazy. we know that's what they think. alek told us that they just can't understand why we're doing what we are. we are here to learn and work. the first day, when alex was in the garden (and i was profusely vomming), work wasn't a big deal because it was light. but when we asked to use the golok and plant trees, these are referred to as "man's work" and women wouldn't be caught dead doing it.




god, if i were an indonesian woman, i wouldn't want to do this shit either. it's hot as hell out, i'm really freakin sweaty, and alex and i both look like we just finished mud-wrestling each other.

actually, my northern liberal roots won't let me say that and fully mean it. i know better. sooo. just kidding everyone.

but no. seriously.

..

on top of the fact that we're women doing this work, we're white. they know the type of background we come from, and they just can't fathom our desire to work on a farm with them and learn their language. this explains why we can't do a job without someone being right next to us. whoever is with us is always talking loudly enough for the next person to hear, they're always laughing, and alex and i can always pick up enough to know that we're the topic of conversation. our presense may be getting in the way of their daily jobs, but it, by far, has not yet gotten old.

the men soon departed, getting back to work. after we finishing sucking every last little bit of sugar out of the stalks we were given, alex and i grabbed two more trees and began looking for a spot that had been cleared for us, but we deemed unsuccessful.

we met up with another worker who saw us aimlessly wandering and took us back to the farm, but we wanted to plant the trees. when we finally established that the issue wasn't planting, but where to plant, he took us to a clearing. we began digging, and he took our cameras, happily shooting photographs and giving us the thumbs up.




i love them.

within a few minutes, alek found us. we finished planting another sugarcane tree when alek said, "ok, now, you go rest."

rest? it was barely eleven am.

alex and i started laughing. we'd been demoted again, and are being sent inside.

alek gave us two more trees to plant in the area where we had cleared out grass the other day. "you plant these. i remember you with them. you remember they are here for when you come back."




this, everyone, would be my tree. i just hope alex isn't so tired of us by the end of the week that he uproots them. damn americans.

so alex and i planted the last two trees, the ones now established as our trees, and came inside for lunch.




guess we managed to get at least a little dirty.

..

my afternoon consisted of refurbishing furniture. if planting trees had been a sight to see, you would think they had been dropped on a new planet with this one.

jocean had mentioned that there were cabinets that needed to be stripped down and redone. since i spent the greater part of my spring semester last year getting to know the woodshop quite well and infusing my lungs with the fresh smell of white pine while making frames for my show, i was excited. woodworking would be fun.




so would power tools!!!

i love love powertools. give me the sander. give me the drill. give me the saw. gimmie gimmie...

appearently indonesian women don't feel the same way.

alek brought me a sander and i picked out a cabinet. he told me to try to make it look vintage if i could.

done.

within minutes, three more of jocean's workers were literally sitting on the ground, just watching. i thought i was doing it wrong, but how the shit do you screw that up? go with the grain. i'm pretty sure that's the only rule.

i asked alek, "are they laughing at me?"

again, he said, no. "they just have never seen this. this, too, is man's job. they like to see you work the way they work."

well then. i'll take that sander. manga for myself.

i can handle this.

..

after the day's storm rolled around, and alex was uploading pictures, i headed back up to the library. i've been there almost every evening now, as it's a quiet, peaceful place for me to wind down before dinner and watch the sunset.

up until today, for the last two weeks, i had been counting down the days vigorously. i want to see home again, the way i've never wanted to before, because i don't do "home." you all know that, i've never done home. it's nothing new that i can't and don't sit, and that i've always wanted to wander aimlessly for an unruly amount of time.

but it seems that i've curbed that appetite, and i'm anxiously awaiting what's next: hopefully grad school for writing (surprise, i know) and living in virginia, helping my sister plan her amazing wedding, my mom sell the finishing touches on the house i grew up in, and whatever else i stumble on.




yes, i'll miss mornings like this, and i'm sure my heart will ache to get travel again in due time. this week, though full and exciting because i'm on a farm in indonesia, doing work with locals and learning so much, seemed empty because i had no day-to-day itinerary like i've had this entire trip.

i had been trying to get through the days while still eating up everything they had to offer me. but when trying to book our new flight tickets back to singapore, i realized i have so much less than i thought left. i'm getting sad, and i don't want to leave. i'm torn between what's been everything i've wanted for so long, to travel; the small impact i've had on these few indonesians and the huge impact they've had on me; and the place and people i yearn for right now.

this is my once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. and it's slipping away to the end.

but, as they say it, home is where the heart is.

and right now, my heart is back in the us.

..







Y rae. racho. d.

the hard life.

i'm sitting in the farmhouse with alex as she cooks up dinner tonight, listening to don mclean's version of american pie-- on vinyl. as i drink a homemade smoothie with ingredients from the gardens, i'm reminded of riding in the car with my dad when i was younger, and sometimes, i wonder what he'd have to say about this trip.




he'd probably just smile, the way i know he is now.

..

alex and i woke up on tuesday ready for a 45-minute trek to the waterfall. we found alek around 8:30 and began our trek up the mountain. just before leaving the property line, combro (previous bossman) met up with us for the hike as well. we weren't sure why, as we thought alex's reason for coming was to show us the way, but i'm sure combro was along to either a, make fun of us, or b, help out in case one of us was stupid enough to fall into some life-threatening situation.

they wouldn't put it past us, i know it.

we started up the mountain towards the falls. every so often, we'd look back at our view.




and we thought we had it good at joceans. don't get me wrong, we've got a phenominal lookout point, but the higher we went, the more stunning it became.

the walk up the mountain was unforgiving ninety percent of the way-- there was virtually no downhill until we came to just before the waterfall. i'm not quite sure how the boys did it. eventually, our somewhat-gravel road turned into a path in the woods, which then turned into some trampled grass. there were times when one wrong step would have meant rolling down the side of the mountain. i don't mean to make this more dramatic than necessary, but if that were the case, there would be no return flight.

about two steps behind us in this picture is a cliff stright down.




alex and i quietly complained to ourselves the whole way as we tripped over our own feet and the grass on the path, even in sneakers and hiking sandals. sweating and out of breath, we were the laughing stock. our attempts at looking somewhat coordinated were muffled by our clumsy, pathetic steps. shocked at the boys. despite combro and alek lighting a cigarette halfway through the uphill trek, they showed no signs of being tired or uncomfortable in flipflops, not in the least bit.

what the hell. that's not normal.

we hiked hills so steep that i could have been rock climbing. my hands and feet were moving almost more vertically than horizontally. but soon we heard running water and our hike turned back downhill beside a small pool of water. alex and i looked over. it was gorgeous.




though the fall's size wasn't much to write home about, the water was so clear we could probably read the text to 1984, had it been sitting on the bottom.




still, the sound of running water was soothing, and the waterfall itself was quite beautiful. we immediately took off our flipflops and climbed to the rock path across the water to stick our feet in.

but it was so freakin cold!

it did feel good on our sweaty feet, but there was no way in hell i was jumping in. sixty-five degree weather is cold to me now, let alone fifty degree water.

we walked to the other side and i spent most of my time taking pictures. eventually i got tired of the lower angle and wanted to get to the top of the falls. it wasn't looking very promising, but i tried to climb the rocks on the side.

but halfway up i couldn't even figure out how i was going to get back down and i heard alek in the distance saying something in indonesian that translated to "that's not a good idea." so i listened to the homeboy figuring he knew better than me.

he was sitting on the rocks with combro, doing absolutely nothing while alex and i explored every nook and cranny of this small waterfall base. despite their reasoning for being here, whether it be their own desire or heartfelt obligation, i loved that we had the company. they said almost nothing, even to each other. they know so little about alex and i, but still they cater to everything we need, even when we don't ask. i feel so safe and well taken care of.




after some time, i saw alek wandering around the top of the falls himself. i crawled back up to where our shoes were, past alex and combro, and wandered along a path beside the water. eventually i came to a dead end, with a huge rock to my right that stretched straight up towards the sky. as i was turning around, alek peeked from above it. "want up?"

shit yeah. but how?

there was a vine growing to my left, and an uprooted tree almost behind me. i handed him my camera. to put this into perspective, the rock had to be about six feet tall and had no place for me to put my feet. i put my foot in the root of the tree behind me, but that only raised me a few inches off of the ground. i literally had to pull myself up with the vine. alek grabbed my arm when i was within reach to help me balance, but the thought crossed my mind to let go and not even bother. i quickly shoved it aside and my feet scrambled up the rock, slipping. it was of little help, but i eventually made my way up the rock.

getting back down was really gonna suck.

it was a gorgeous view from the top, but not very safe. one slight slip and i would have been in alex's lap below. i wandered among the huge rocks, looking for something interesting, like a snake or monkey, but i knew neither of these would be up here.




instead i settled for sprawling out on one of the rocks and listening to the water crash below. ah, farm work is so hard.

..

jocean had arrived when we got back to the farm. we made lunch, some sort of bacon fried rice with just about every vegetable in the kitched added. alex and i wanted to venture down to the bigger gardens at the bottom of the hill, so after we ate, we headed down. jocean stopped off to talk to some workers and pin down the details of the bathroom they were working on, so alex and i continued towards the gardens ourselves. we took some photographs and waited for him.




aside from all of the fresh veggies and fruit, there are plenty of flowers.




but of course, i was most ecstatic about the dragonfruit cactus!! i love dragonfruit, and, pathetically, it might be my greatest discovery on this trip. though it didn't bear any fruit today, as we're out of season, i was still stokked about seeing where it came from. but you have to tie the tree off and make it grow awkwardly to get good produce. weird fruit comes from weird trees, i guess.

by the time jocean met up with us, rainclouds had moved in overhead.

in case i didn't mention it, we're in the middle of the rainy season here in java. from about mid-december to the end of february, it rains almost every day in the afternoon-- we have yet to skip a day. the mornings are hot and humid, but by the time one o'clock rolls around, the clouds can be seen in the distance. alex and i have been spoiled this entire trip with almost-perfect weather. it only rained one day in ko samui until we got here.

so now our days are planned around what can be done inside and what needs to be done outside. though the rains are extremely strong, bringing in shows of lighting and might as well be amplifiers with thunder, they're welcomed. since workers here despise being in the rain, their day stops once the first signs of a constant rain begin. plus it tends to cool off the air quite nicely, not to mention it makes for amazing sunsets. but generally, from about 2:00 onward, if there's rain, everyone is sitting around, relaxing. and in alex and i's case, eating.

we sat on the porch, waiting for the rain to pass, or at least lighten up.




alex still wanted to go out in the rain, hot from earlier. "i want to get soaked," she remarked. be my guest.

within a few minutes, jocean handed us freshly made lemongrass and ginger tea from mang yoyo, one of the workers. it's supposedly his specialty, and he made it in anticipation of our visit. since tea has been the one thing to get me through all the time i've wanted to sleep on this trip, i happily grabbed it despite my growing bitterness towards both lemongrass and ginger. i took a sip.

"oh my god. what the hell kind of crack cocaine is in this?!"

it was delicious.

..

after two cups of tea and the rain not lightening up, we decided we would harvest anyway. we walked out in the storm, but it wasn't too terrible. we walked over to the okra, which jocean wanted to watch alex prepare since he grew it but has never made it. then we grabbed some kind of nut that i've never seen before. alex and i's sick addiction to the peanuts the boys so kindly brought us the other day made jocean remember that these were ready to be harvested, so we grabbed some to try. just as we were finishing up, the rains fell harder.

of course they would.

we walked back to the house on the lower end of the property, crops in hand.

well, we posed for the corny-but-necessary tourist picture, but alex, who was so excited about it, "got rain right in my eye!" of course i had to be a smartass and point out that she wanted to be soaked.




and i got what i deserved.

sat under the porch, talking, watching the rain fall. jocean gave us some tshirts to help keep us warm until we could get back up to the house and change. alex got first dibs, and i got the gansta shirt. i like the look.




after about two more hours, it still wasn't lifting. jocean told us he would call alek and have him bring the truck down, considering it was a decent hike back up the hill to the house. we waited a bit, but no sign of alek. figuring he was caught up in painting, jocean told us he'd call him and tell him we'd walk, so as not to disturb him, and that we should put on our ponchos if we wanted to stay dry.

understand, the ponchos have been in our bags since day 1 and never have we even thought about breaking them out. we're touristy enough as it is.

laughing at our expense, jocean offered to take a few pictures. we let him, despite feeling like fools.




as soon as he shut the camera off, he says "go ahead, put those back in your bag. alek is actually on his way. just wanted to see you in those hideous ponchos."

damn not speaking indonesian fluently.

..

as jocean drove the truck back up the hill, combro was walking down. jocean slowed down to say something in indonesian, but with the window still down and combro still right outside of the truck, the tires started spinning in the mud. alex, in a cute, trying to fit in kind of way, spit out some inappropriate bahasa indonesian. while attemping to say "shit/dammit!", she instead shouted "goblok!"

jocean, alek and i all started laughing hysterically, while the look on combro's face displayed complete confusion. alex smiled, but i looked at her. "you mean an-ging?"

"i think you meant an-ging, not goblok. an-ging is shit!"

she didn't really respond.

"uh, you just called combro an asshole!"

..

one perk about the farm:




it's impossible to take a bad sunset picture.

..







Y rae. racho. d.

die, you!

alex woke up much earlier than i did today, around 5am. i was up long enough to take this sunrise picture from our front porch before going back to bed.




we were both ready to work by eight am. we set off to go find alek to see what today's adventure work was going to be. it was pretty hot out, but we didn't mind and knew it would be a long day of work.

when we found him, he took us to combro, another guy with whom we'd work, who held two tools with long, curved blades on the ends.

aka, machetes.

we followed our bossman for the day. he spoke no english, and we only speak inappropriate bahasa indonesian, so communication laid completely in the hands of monkey-see, monkey-do. we walked along a path until it was no longer a path, and grass as high as my chest surrounded us on all sides. a few more yards in front, he stopped. he put one blade on the ground, bent over to grab the top of the grass, lifted the knife above his head, and chopped at the roots. after he had a handful of grass, he threw it to the side. he did a few more handfuls, then handed us the blades and motioned his hand to the grass.




i looked at alex, who was already looking at me. then i glanced at my skin. yep, still white. looked at my chest. yep, still boobs. i thought, this guy is handing a white girl a machete. is this a good idea? i looked around. white girl and machete? since when is this a good idea?

alex is already hacking away at the grass. suddenly this looks fun.

combro moved out of the way, and grabbed some more tools for later. alex and i started to go to town, but our proximity to each other was ridiculously uncomfortable. “i’m not really sure how to steer this thing.” we spread out, each of us chopping our own little corners out. i wasn’t sure how much we were going to do, so we just kept on doing.




but five minutes later, it wasn’t fun anymore.

it only took about twenty minutes to form a blister on my hand, and about 30 seconds for it to break open. wonderful. jocean warned me that my white hands would be hurting in less than a half hour, but why listen to the man who's been doing this for way longer? i'm such an idiot.

trying to keep my slight whining to myself, i kept going. it was hot, and sweat was pouring down alex and i’s faces, but this is why we were here. we wanted to learn, and wanted to show the workers that we were willing to work hard at whatever task they gave us.

within about five minutes, i heard alex yelp.

i looked over to see blood trickling from her fingers. that’s not good. the grass we were cutting at this point was low, and with every hack i thought how lucky i was that i didn’t cut myself yet. but here she was, the first of the two of us to do the machete justice. it didn’t seem so bad, but alek came over when he saw what she did. i looked at him as he asked what happened, and by the time i looked back at alex, the back of her one hand and the palm of her other was covered in crimson. alek told her to go back to the house and wash it out. i wanted to help her, but still wanted to continue to work for them, so i stayed in the field as she reassured me she’d be fine.

alek then told me that i could go take a break if i wanted, but we had only been out for about an hour and a half and i didn’t want to stop yet. i did a few more piles of grass, then asked him how far we were going to cut.

“to this line… that tree… and that tree.. and that tree.”

the eyes on my white face got wide. shit, that’s kinda really far.

“ok. i think i’m gonna go get a drink of water and check on alex…”

..

back at the house, alex and i guzzled water. her hand looked pretty painful, and though it wasn’t an extremely large cut, it was deep.




as we discussed the actions of her mistake, alek came back in the house with a woman behind him. he introduced us to her. the day before, we had asked if someone could give us a lesson in traditional indonesian food.

but as we talked to alek and he examined the cut, she started doing our dishes. we were confused, and she started taking ingredients out of the fridge, too. it turned out that she was under the impression that she’d be doing most of our cooking and cleaning.

good lord we’re spoiled.

we were slightly uncomfortable with having this handed to us, but figured we’d try to work it out later. i still can’t believe the willingness of the people here to help us and get us what we need. the morning before, we asked alek for passion fruit, and a boy arrived at our door five minutes later with a basket of it. last night, the security guard brought us boiled peanuts, still warm, harvested only about three days ago. he speaks no english, and talks fluently as though we understand everything he is saying. we usually have no idea, but he smiles at us, and we smile back, and he’s absolutely wonderful. soon after, alek brought us more, and we devoured them within a day. jocean has messaged us from jakarta with a list of groceries he’s picked up, asking if we need anything else. and today, alek even took us down the hill to pick some of our own crops.

i absolutely love how warmly we’ve been welcomed.

..

alex and I made our way back outside to the clearing we were working on. i had told her inside that the area we had to clear was going to take a while, so she asked alek where exactly we would go to. it looked less intimidating the second time around, so she and i got started again. after hacking the lower brush, i got frustrated and moved to the longer grass. alex got angry with the longer grass and moved back to the lower stuff.

we were made for each other.

i haven’t mentioned it yet, but alex and i are slowly losing our sanity, with me being in line to the mental hospital first. since we were working closer this round, we started rattling off stand-up comedy as we could. laughing and loud, the workers started looking over at us as we chopped away, and conversed in their language.

this was nothing new. we know they’ve been making fun of us all day, and even though we don’t know everything they say, they’re always watching us. alek tells us that they’re fascinated with our american backgrounds and our desire to work, but we know that they’re finding us hysterical more than heartwarming.

after all, they literally point and laugh.

i mean, it doesn't help that i'm yelling obscenities in their language, goblok at the ants or an-ging when i fall, or yelling at the weeds to die. they eat it up. but our bossman also yells over to the guys that are about twenty feet away after we stumble or laugh or swat away freakishly-large bugs in a panic, and they laugh back. i can only imagine.

“white girl cut herself, haha! white girl hate beetle, haha! white girl fall on ass, haha!”

whatever it is, alex and i don’t mind one bit. in fact, i hope this is what they’re saying. i hope they’re getting a good laugh out of us, because we’re getting a good laugh out of us too.

..

right around twelve, it started to rain. jocean told us that in the rainy season in indonesia, as soon as the clouds break, work stops. they don’t like to be rained on.
i mean, neither do we, but alex and i were willing to work in the rain.

as soon as the drops started to pour, we heard them groaning and complaining. alex and i both tilted our heads back towards the sky, put out our arms, opened our mouths, and sighed relief. it was so hot out, and the rain felt so good. but alek came over and told us to go inside, and we heard them laughing at us, confused. but it was time for lunch anyway, and we’d regroup around one.

..

as soon as we stepped inside, lunch was made. we thanked our soon-to-be teacher as much as we could, and when she finished cooking, she simply left the house. we thought she might eat with us, but she made our lunch and went off. alex and i both felt bad, but agreed that we’d talk to jocean about it when he arrived later.

lunch was delicious. the two of us devoured a few plates of rice, chili, and beef in a palm brown sugar sauce (you will get to experience this phenomenon / palette addiction when I get back). we sat down to enjoy a few minutes of rest before heading back out, and I looked out the front window. in the distance, we could see rain pouring down on the towns below. it was about five minutes to one, and the cloud was heading our way.




we smiled, knowing what this meant, and we were right.

alek eventually told us that we wouldn’t have to return to work today due to the rain. thank god.

..

we tried to rest, but the call to prayer kept us somewhat alert. five times a day, the islamic religion does a public prayer. so far, we’ve found it to be announced on a loudspeaker everywhere we’ve gone, and since we’re halfway up the mountain, it seems that we hear every call to prayer from five miles away. and that’s probably not a very inaccurate statement.

it’s easy to distinguish all of the voices, considering many of them start within a few minutes of each other according to their clocks. alex and i hate to be offensive, but if we were islamic we’d be going to their little islamic hell for saying that the singing voices resemble a ghost chant more than a beautiful prayer-song. obviously this is half attributed to the fact that we can’t quite understand what they’re saying, considering it’s sung in arabic. sometimes, we sing along, looking out the window to our view below, making up the words as we go, of course.




maybe if you’re lucky, we’ll sing for you when we get home.

it’ll be a nice little duet.

..

he came back the house around four to take us to find some fresh tomatoes. probably one of my favorite parts of being here is the ability to walk out to the gardens and pick whatever it is I feel like eating or making. alek walked us down the hill to some gardens we hadn’t yet seen, and we picked some mint, tomatoes, a plant that resembles parsley, eggplant, some type of pumpkin, and a type of lychee. on the farm, there are also bananas, coconut, arugula, ginger, lemongrass, cucumbers, basil, passion fruit, papaya, dragon fruit, mango, peanuts, and tons of plants we have yet to identify. the neighbor even has a few coffee trees.




we walked back up the hill to the house, happy as two five year olds on christmas morning. we weren’t sure what we were going to make yet, but it didn’t matter. it was going to be delicious.

..

i got back, took a shower, and made some tea. as the sun set, i figured i’d climb to the top of the library again, the highest point on the farm.

jocean wants lots of pictures and feedback, so what am i to do with my two best subjects? deliver, of course:




after my cold shower, i walked the fifty meters to the building that will be the bar. the second floor has been planned to be the library, but there is no formal staircase yet. i grabbed the edges of the man-made, hammer, nail and scrap-wood ladder, and climbed to the top. this is the best view on jocean’s property as far as i know.

i could sit here all night. i listen to the crickets, the birds sing, bats squeaking, geckos chirping, and the leaves rustling. i am in a place so peaceful and pure, it’s hard to imagine that this is the same world in which the genocides of cambodia and the war of vietnam occurred. i couldn’t ask for anything else. well, almost.

i watch the lights of the city below twinkle, the color of the sky shift with the setting sun, and the haze from today’s rain change shape in the distance. i almost understand buddha-calm, and i don’t feel that anything could make me angry or upset sitting here. you can’t teach this feeling in psychology, this beauty in art, this serenity in religion. as I watch the tree leaves sway in the breeze, the no-longer-annoying call to prayers start to fade from the distance.

no wonder jocean moved here.

..






Y rae. racho. d.

saya mauw pisang.

yeah, that's right. i want a banana.

..

at 8:20 on friday evening, alex and boarded the plane from vietnam to indonesia. neither of us were very sad to wave goodbye to vietnam, but that's probably because we had spent so much time in saigon's backpacking district. though it was fun, and the cities are so convenient, the people weren't quite as friendly as cambodia. in fact, we were stubborn enough to rent our own motorbike the last day just to get to the market that was about a mile away. to get a ride out there often costs about $2-3 for tourists, so the $5 motorbike rental seemed logical in case we wanted to do more.

yeah, that didn't happen.

..

after driving the motorbike in ko samui and ko tao and loving the freedom and convenience of it, we were saddened that cambodia doesn't let tourists drive them. but, with the same vigor and grace as a month ago, we hopped on. they gave us no choice in the helmet matter. i gave alex the option: white or red?

"white. red will clash with my shorts."

yeah, red blood and the red helmet and the red on your shorts will all clash if we crash, too.

..

this would be a lot easier to understand if i could show you videos of the streets of saigon. they are filled with motorbikes by the bunch. however many can fit across the road at one time is how many there are-- very few rules apply. i mean, if we sat in traffic at a light for 15 seconds there would easily be 200-300 bikes in the intersection.

did i mention that asia's do not enter sign for one way streets doesn't look like ours in the us? and it certainly doesn't say do not enter...

i had looked at the map prior to leaving for the market, and it seemed easy enough. until we went straight onto a one-way street into oncoming traffic.

there really isn't much else to say about it. we're still alive. i realized a few seconds before alex did what i had just done, and though she actually grabbed onto my sides and appropriately screamed "we're going to die," she managed to keep the moto seat dry, which was nice. but i wanted to say, "alex those are love handles, not i'll-save-you-if-you-hang-on handles." i was expecting a worse reaction, but it wasn't so bad. "thank you for almost, but not, killing us."

i think the drivers of oncoming traffic were more upset. after all, their symphony of horns and waving hands and, no doubt, cursing in vietnamese was pretty tell-tale of their "stupid white person" attitude.

..

back to the more important details. alex and i were looking forward to indonesia, the last leg of the trip. we've officially been to six countries in less than 2 months, and from here we only go to singapore for our flight home. the two and a half hour flight from saigon to jakarta seemed rather quick. we purchased our visas, went through immigration and then through customs to come out on the other side to find jocean's driver, sunedi, waiting for us. traffic had been bad that day, so we waited a bit, but we met up in a short amount of time.

once we had been found, he called jocean. at this point, it's about 1am. instead of making the two hour drive out to the farm that night, jocean offered us to stay at his "guesthouse" in jakarta. we drove up to the gate which was opened by a security guard. sunedi pulled in and grabbed our bags. we stepped inside, our feet touching the cold tan marble floor. to our right was a winding staircase with a design in the railing. all sorts of artwork hung on the walls. we stood in the middle of the tv room and did a 360. the ceiling was open to the room above. the house was gorgeous.

sunedi took us up to our rooms. we were so spoiled. jocean called to make sure we arrived safely and tell us where a few things were that we may need. he asked about what time we thought we'd wake up, to which i replied "we're generally up by eight am, so we can be on the road by nine." sounded like a plan.

but 9:15 rolled around before we even realized we had fallen asleep.

..

when we woke up, i hopped in the shower and alex went downstairs. ayu (eye-you), jocean's wife, was downstairs getting ready for her class. i've got nothing to say about her except that alex and i are in love with her. and might consider going lesbian for her. twice. we agree that she's the most beautiful woman we've ever met. along with her, the cook was preparing breakfast for us. after we stuffed ourselves too fat, (surprise!) we finished repacking and hopped in the car.

the drive in the city was busy, with traffic everywhere. but eventually cars and buildings started to thin out, leading to the countryside. slowly and gradually, we made our way up a mountain. we soon came to the end of the road, where it split off into gravel. then that turned into less gravel and more grass that grew up between two tiremarks in the fields. as we climbed higher to the farm, it seemed that we'd be able to simply reach our hands up and touch the clouds.

we came to a circle lined with bungalows, the dead end of the street. we got out of the car and turned to our right to see jocean discussing plans with one of the workers. they walked up to us, introducing themselves. jocean was accompanied by alex, pronouced alek, ayu's brother. we grabbed our bags and walked along the buildings to the one on the very end-- jocean's house. it was recently finished, as he's only stayed here for just shy of a week and ayu's never spent the night. still, the house is gorgeous, built with old wood, cement, a ton of windows, and a touch of indonesian tiles.

just as we brought our bags into the house, the clouds broke and it started to pour. we watched and listened to the storm from inside, drinking tea. our view here is incredible.

so the story of portibi farms:

jocean and ayu are in the process of building an organic farm that does eco-tourism. as of right now, they do children's programs to teach kids about farming. though there is a good amount of farming in indonesia, the younger generation doesn't particularly want to be doing it. still, though they are in the process of building, we are told they are towards the end with just the finishing touches to be put on many of the buildings. he won't quite give us a timeline as to how long it will be before they house guests besides us, but i'd be excited to come back in a year or two when everything is complete. the land is gorgeous-- he has roughly fifty acres, with numerous plants in abundance. we haven't quite gotten the formal tour yet, but their biggest crop right now is arugala, a type of lettuce. alex and i spent some time yesterday walking around the buildings and marveling at what is to come of portibi farms.

jocean threw together an extremely delicious dinner in less than ten minutes, and we spent much of the evening learning bahasa indonesia with him and alex (whom im going to refer to as alek now because alex isn't exactly teaching me indonesian...). around one am, jocean left to head back to jakarta. he told us that alek would help us find things to do in the morning.

..

we woke up, and though tired, we were ready to work.

well, until i puked.

alex wasn't feeling too well herself either, but though we boiled the water for our coffee, something wasn't adding up this morning. it hit me in about two minutes. i ran upstairs, and for the details i know you all love, after i had nothing else to vom, and after the passionfruit was much less desirable the second time, i laid on the cement floor with a pillow. alex brought me a cold towel for my head, but nothing was helping. i was simultaneously sweating and shivering, breathing like i just finished a marathon, and the room was spinning.

what the hell, i'm not even drunk.

i absolutely hated my existence for the next sixty minutes until my body calmed itself down enough that i could stop breathing heavily and see somewhat straightforward. until then, i had to be a pathetic sight, crawling around the floor on my hands and knees are barely being able to tell alex much more than the fact that i didn't understand why there were two of her.

figures we'd get food poisoning in the last few days of the trip. screw you, passionfruit and coffee.
except i'll probably have them for breakfast again tomorrow.

..






Y rae. racho. d.

you can call me number one....

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